APPARENTLY, forceps are not sexy and testing lube in a semi-scientific way1think maybe 8th grade classroom is also kind of a mood-ruiner. But how else was I supposed to get through 10 different lubes with semi-objective observations?
I’ve written about lube before, but I haven’t compared specific lubes. I primarily use lube for anal play, fisting, and when I use a toy internally. Since I don’t use lube for everything, I’m pretty picky about which lubes I use and Sliquid is my go-to for water-based lubes. Sliquid’s lubes are all comprised of a few ingredients: water, plant cellulose, cyamopis, potassium sorbate, and citric acid. Unless you know that you have a specific sensitivity to one of these ingredients, Sliquid has some of the best lubes for folks with sensitivities. Their line offers a few different lubes as well as organic versions of the same products. I’ve tried a few of the organic versions, but felt like they had a bit more of an unpleasant flavor and didn’t last as long. Plus organic lube doesn’t really matter all that much to me, but if it matters to you, it exists! Plus all their lubes are vegan; gluten, paraben and sulfate free (in case you like buzzwords like those).
Mustering as much scientific method as we could remember from our middle school classrooms, my partner and I developed the Handjob Test™ which involves putting approximately the same amount of lube onto the same penis while timing how long it took the lube to create an uncomfortable amount of friction, using only a handjob. I was accosted for not being exact in my lube measurements, but how could I? I didn’t have any pipettes on me! After multiple dick washing events (so we could start with a blank slate every time), we decided that this was definitely not the most fun way to test lube, so I ended up testing most of the lubes’ friction levels on my hand a few days later.
- Sea: Sea is named for the seaweed extract it includes: carrageenan, nori, and wakame. Seaweed has been found to be healing & reparative, so this lube is a great choice for people prone to irritation or pain. It’s my go-to lube mostly because I happen to have an 8oz bottle of it. It has no flavor and is a touch on the more cushion-y side.
- Sassy: Sassy was designed for anal play (can’t spell sassy without ass), meant to provide more cushion than Sliquid’s other lubes. It has only the basic ingredients listed in the opening section, so it’s definitely one of the best for folks who need minimal ingredients and/or less friction from their lube.
- Silk: Silk is Sliquid’s hybrid lube, containing silicone and water. Specifically, it also contains isopropyl palmitate, polysorbate 20, dimethicone, and an emollient ester to keep it all together. Unlike Sliquid’s other lubes, Silk is not water clear. Instead, it has a translucent white hue. It honestly looks like ejaculate, which might be awesome for some folks and gross for others. Hybrid lubes last longer in use than water based lubes, but tend not to interact with solid silicone toys. Kind of a best-of-both-worlds thing, except that they always taste funky. Though, now that I think of it, Silk has some of the least flavor of any hybrid lube I’ve tasted.
Most stimulating or arousal-enhancing lubes and potions are full of stuff that probably shouldn’t be on your genitals. Things designed to sting, for example, or ingredients that can cause swelling, irritation, or too much friction. Sliquid offers some alternatives for this!
- Sizzle: Contains ‘Food Grade Menthol’ as a stimulating ingredient, but otherwise sticks to Sliquid’s basic recipe. The bottle claims that this lube is cool on contact and heats up with friction, but I didn’t feel any heating aspect, which is kind of disappointing from a lube named ‘Sizzle.’ Also it doesn’t smell like cinnamon. 4 stars (jk). Though Sliquid’s website recommends against ingesting their lubes with menthol, I tried it and It Sure Does Taste Like Menthol. I really like this lube when I’m fucking partners (or vibrators/dildos) that are almost perfect. If I have trouble climaxing Sizzle really helps speed up the process.
- O Gel: Not a lube, but worth mentioning because Sliquid makes it and it fits into the ‘stimulating’ category. O Gel features many of the same ingredients as their lubes, but with added “healing” ingredients like aloe and vitamin E. The stimulating ingredients in Sliquid O Gel are peppermint oil and menthol, and honestly I’m a fan. It’s just tingly enough on my clit that it’s fun to add without being painful. The sensation from the peppermint and menthol wear off quickly enough that if playtime is over, you’re not stuck with tingly junk. O Gel comes in a pump bottle, so it’s easy to use just a small amount of it, which is all you should need at a time. It’s more cushion-y than Sizzle, I expect from the aloe, but it’s also definitely more cooling with next to no flavor.
Sliquid Swirl (flavored lubes)
Sliquid’s line of Swirl lubes are pretty much the only flavored lubes I can recommend regardless of what sexual activities someone wants to get up to. Sliquid makes a wide variety of flavors, all with aspartame (a synthetic sweetener) for taste, rather than anything sugar based. Sugars often cause yeast infections when they interact with genitals, which is why most flavored lubes can only be recommended for oral sex performed on a penis and not for oral sex performed on a vulva.2Since penises are primarily external, they are less likely to get yeast infections. I tried 6 flavors with a penis-having partner. We gave two the Handjob Test™ and both became uncomfortable within 2 minutes. When they dried, the lubes first felt a bit sticky, then kind of gummy, but once all the water was gone they didn’t really feel like they left a residue (though they did leave their taste).
- Tangerine Peach: The first one we tried, this was our favorite even though the flavor was very subtle.
- Pink Lemonade: Least favorite by far, flavor-wise. “It’s like, an approximation of what pink lemonade could be.” I’d guess the off-putting nature comes from Sliquid equating ‘pink’ with grapefruit–the ingredients list lemon and grapefruit flavoring. Why would anyone want grapefruit?
- Blue Raspberry: If you like blue raspberry in candy flavors, this is actually pretty good. It’s one of the strongest of the flavors, but you’ve gotta be in the mood for saccharine-sweet candy.
- Green Apple: “You’d think they couldn’t fuck up green apple, but this isn’t great.” It wasn’t as awful as the pink lemonade, but it wasn’t something either of us wanted to taste long term.
- Strawberry Pomegranate: We could barely taste this one but my roommate said it tasted like “that edible slime candy I ate as a kid.”
- Cherry Vanilla: I thought I really liked this one because it reminds me of cherry cola, but 2 big mouthfuls of it and I decided cherry cola should stick to soda flavoring.
- Sliquid also makes a Pina Colada flavor, but I hate pineapples and coconut so that flavor was doomed to disappoint me & I didn’t get it.
You can purchase Sliquid’s lubes from Betty’s Toy Box in three sizes: 2 oz travel size, 4.2 oz small, and 8 oz large. They start at $7 and you can get 10% off with code TWIXT. Sliquid also makes a tester cube with 2 each of the basic lubes I described here, plus their silicone lube and ‘feminine moisturizer’ for less than $20.
Forceps came into play when I couldn’t get the seal off of one of the bottles, by the way.
Most of these lubes were generously provided to me by Betty’s Toy Box in exchange for an honest review. There are affiliate links included. If you like this blog and want to support the work I do, please consider clearing your cookies and purchasing through my affiliate links.
Footnotes [ + ]
|1.||↑||think maybe 8th grade classroom|
|2.||↑||Since penises are primarily external, they are less likely to get yeast infections.|